What do Asteroids have in common with Snow White?

On November 11, 2011, in Movie News, by AlexWhite

All right, film snobs: this is not a drill. That would have been “The Core.”  It’s an asteroid. And now it’s being turned into a script.  Atari’s famed “Asteroids” property is set to be ported to the screen by Evan Spiliotopoulos, a man whose name I definitely had to copy/paste.

This from DarkHorizons.com

Evan Spiliotopoulos (“Snow White and the Huntsman”) will pen a new draft of the film adaptation of the late-’70s Atari video game “Asteroids” for Universal Pictures. The story for the film adaptation has been expanded to follow two estranged brothers that must team up to save Earth from an alien race. Matt Lopez (“The Sorcerer’s Apprentice”) originally worked on the script.

Now when they say, “The story has been expanded,” I figured that was a given.  I mean, you’d need some form of plot unless you wanted to see John McAllister set the high score on an arcade cabinet over a course of three days.  The idea of the two estranged brothers sounds like classic Hollywood producer-speak; Another brick in the foundation of a true Disasterpiece has been laid.

I can’t wait to see the posters on this.  As a graphic designer, the idea of taking Asteroids seriously is mind-blowing, and I have no idea what they’ll come up with.  Do I pity the advertising agency that handles this… or do I envy them the greatest challenge of their design careers?

If you’re not familiar with “Snow White and the Huntsman,” it’s an EPIC BATTLE MOVIE ADAPTATION OF SNOW WHITE STARRING KRISTEN STEWART.  If they keep releasing them like this, Stephen, Brook and I will be out of a job.

[via DarkHorizons.com]

11 Responses to What do Asteroids have in common with Snow White?

  1. Beth says:

    I had to go with Asteroids as a movie, for two reasons.

    Reason the first: with the release of films like the recent “thriller” Red Riding Hood, I could actually see Snow White being altered to become some Illiad-esque battle between humans and dwarves, as one clan steals the most beautiful woman from the other…but she actually wants to remain with her captors. That’s probably not what the plot will actually be, but whatevs. I like the idea.

    Reason the second: The only possible similarity that a film could share with the game Asteroids is the existence of asteroids. I don’t recall a plot. It will basically be another cheesy science fiction space exploration CG orgy borrowing a popular title to gain credibility (*cough Star Trek cough*).

  2. Beth says:

    I’ve just read the actual plot for Snow White, and may have revised my vote. -.-

  3. Morris says:

    Perhaps it might be more interesting if they called it “Hemeroids”. I kind of picture Darth Vader flying around an asteroid field in his ship saying, “Admiral- hemeroids do not consern me!”.

    Perhaps they could make it into an “Inner Space/Vantastic Voyage” thing and have some tiny craft flying around zapping Darth’s hemeroids like they zap asteroids in the video game?

    Okay, it all sounds crazy, but that makes it Hollywood gold!!!

  4. I’m voting against Snow in this case because space movies have been on ebb lately.

    Asteroids really just sounds like the 15 minutes in the middle of Empire Strikes Back expanded into its own pointless excercise; a massive, wholesale “Armageddon” rehash without Bruce Willis (so far at least, who knows? He needs cash and could this movie stink of desperation any less by signing him in?) who was the only REDEEMING factor in a movie that was a 151 minute lead up to the fantasy wedding of Liv Tyler and Ben Affleck….which was so boring Steven Tyler, lead singer for Aerosmith and Liv’s dad fell asleep during.

    So yeah, Snow White meets “Lord of the Rings” and they get their Milla Jovovich on? I can see that getting made over Asteroids anyday.

  5. Aki says:

    I went with Snow White. Because the source material is terrible enough. There are so many other Princesses that could be badassed up or are actually badass to begin with (Mulan?)

    What is the Snow White appeal? Honestly? I don’t get it.

  6. […] know we covered this last week, but it was only as a side note, and we only linked to the trailer. Here is the trailer embedded in […]

  7. Rynn says:

    Is anyone else underwhelmed by Kristen Stewart as Snow White? I mean, seriously?? I voted Snow White because there’s already an existing plot there that Hollywood can totally butcher into something unrecognizable to fairy tale lovers everywhere. Asteroid is kind of an open option – could be good, could be bad. It all depends on the writing. It probably will be bad simply because Hollywood Execs don’t seem to understand video games at all (Resident Evil (Really? They’re mutants instead of demons from Hell)? or DOOM anyone?? OMG. Worst. Adaptation. EVER.). Get Kevin Smith involved in writing Asteroids though and I’ll probably watch it.

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